Juice

20 Aug

juicyWhen did juice become a four-letter word? Mommy only serves you all-natural, certified organic, premium juice blends with no added sugar, colours, flavors or preservatives, and yet she STILL has to deal with a judgmental staredown from other parents if she hands you a (100% compostable) juice box at the park. Mommy spent the better part of the eighties drinking the orange rocket fuel McDonald’s served with Happy Meals like it was her job, but she’s supposed to feel like a giant failure because she you served you three sips of Cranberry Pomegranate Blueberry juice in the middle of a heatwave. Wasn’t it punishment enough that she paid $1.50 for a 6 oz “kid-friendly” tetra pak?  Which, by the way, is the biggest misnomer of all time because NOTHING about a juice box is actually kid friendly.  Without fail, you squeeze out half the box’s contents before you’ve taken your first sip. You can’t work the straw so you throw it on the ground. You turn the box upside down to shake out what’s left and everything within a three-foot radius turns into a horribly sticky mess.

DRINK: Mommy Juice. Enjoy this refreshing, guilt-free* summer mocktail packed with anti-oxidants and only 100 calories. Mix 1 oz grapefruit juice, 1 oz cranberry juice in a glass with ice and top with soda water. Resist the urge to dilute with water.

*”I am free of guilt!” said no Mom ever.

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