29 Oct

owlHalloween has been giving Mommy nightmares for months. Not only is this the holiday that forces her to come up with toddler-friendly answers to questions like “What does R-I-P mean? and “Why is there blood dripping from that scarecrow’s eyeballs?” but she also has to deal with the pressure of finding you the perfect Halloween costume. Last year, Mommy bought you an adorable monkey costume from the Old Navy sale rack, unintentionally subjecting you to a “Who wore it best?” contest at day care when half the class showed up in the same thing. At least it fit, unlike the hand-sewn (read: ridiculously overpriced) pumpkin costume that Mommy ordered off Etsy in a pregnancy-hormone-fueled e-shopping spree before you were even born. Who knew you’d end up in the 99th percentile on the height and weight charts? Mommy wishes she had the creativity of the hipster parents whose kids are plastered across BuzzFeed dressed as ironic ghosts and GIFs. Sadly Mommy’s so out of touch these days that, not only could she never conceive these costume ideas, but she didn’t even get half the references. Anyway, now that you’re a toddler with opinions, Mommy can no longer dress you in something for her own amusement and get away with it. It was so much easier when Mommy only had to dress herself on Halloween (AKA “Excuse to Wear Inappropriately Short Skirt Day.”) Although if Mommy tried to squeeze herself into one of those outfits now, she’d really send the trick or treaters screaming.

DRINK: The Smashing Pumpkin. 2 oz vanilla vodka, 3 tablespoons fresh pumpkin puree, dash of vanilla. Combine the ingredients in a cocktail shaker, shake vigorously and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with grated nutmeg. A perfect use for the three pumpkins you butchered attempting to create that Pinterest Owl-O-Lantern.


3 Responses to “Halloween”

  1. leahtrav October 30, 2013 at 1:17 pm #

    Just found a costume for my toddler this morning. It is Rolly Polie Olie. Whatever the hell that is. Seriously…I had to Google the correct spelling!

    • Reasons Mommy Drinks November 1, 2013 at 9:27 am #

      Hahaha. Awesome!! I smell a sales rack purchase!! 🙂

      • leahtrav November 1, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

        Some lady was selling it in a Swap and Buy group (on Facebook). We went to pick it up and it was FILTHY! I wouldn’t have put it on my dog; much less my toddler! Needless to say, we said thanks but no thanks. So we found her a cute, BRAND NEW, kitten costume. And we found Mommy a bottle of wine…

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